sweetbriarpoet
Flower Fortune- Sweetbriar: Poetry and fragrance.
Fifty-First Entry
The strangest thing happened today, and has thrown me completely off my guard.
Harry and Edward went to play golf and our nanny didn't come in because my classes ended early. I was looking forward to spending the whole day with the children alone, and since Christmas holidays are coming up, I don't have much to do except for a couple of papers and a few exams.
Our day was all planned out: I would make a huge dinner, with chicken and mashed potatoes and fresh spinach with garlic. I even went to the grocer to find the ingredients, right after school. I would gather them all around the table and watch them eat, and feed Virginia in my lap. I could just picture us laughing as the older twins told us about school and me tricking Belle to eat her spinach. I could just imagine Frank Sinatra playing on the stereo by the our television set, and Virginia escaping from my lap to totter on the thick carpet in the living room. I could just imagine the tranquility of no other adult watching after them, and the peace I would have from pretending I was a good mother.
After lunch, we would do our ritualistic coloring, with the long bright pencils and the sticky, wax crayons. Trucks and princesses and lions with the Serengeti around them might be colored pink and orange and a surreal, unnatural blue. Gabe would get bored after awhile and start tearing pages from the books, one right after the other, and Oliver would try to stop him because the poor thing relies completely on order.
But instead of that picture perfect afternoon, I walked in to find Edward sitting on my couch with Virginia in his lap, and Harry, laughing in the armchair across, entertaining the younger twins on his knees. Where's Rev, I asked, flushed I'm sure from being stared at so hard. He was supposed to take care of the children...it is their day with me. I smoothed my skirt, just for something to do, something to make me less embarrassed, but I noticed them exchange a glance over me.As if conspirators in some great game. Oliver, in my arms by this point, was hiding his face in my neck, and I clung to him like some sort of life support.
We decided it's too nasty for golf today, we'd much rather stay in, Harry said. He was smiling at me, and from the position in his chair, I could tell he would rush over to me if he hadn't the twins in his lap. We decided that we miss you, Edward said, and I almost choked on my own saliva. Excuse me? We miss you, he said again, and Harry nodded. We don't know where you hide out, and we don't know what you're doing, but we never see you. And certainly not with the children, Harry added. I looked to Edward. If he was going to be bold, than so was I, and I'm sure I was prettily flushed by this point. I looked at him. Well, when I'm not with you Harry I'm with Edward, and Edward when I'm not with you, I'm with Harry. To my surprise, they laughed. Harry relieved himself of the twins and came to kiss me. We knew you would feel ambushed, feel angry, he said softly. And so, we got a little revenge on you. But the rest of the day will be pleasant with all of us won't it?
And he looked sad when he stared into my eyes. Harry, I'm uncomfortable, I said. Even though I knew Edward could hear me, I didn't care. He grabbed my arms and smiled the sweetest, most gentle smile. I love you, we all love you, and even though it is unconventional, I love you enough to know that you need time with all of us. I thought he would cry, I really did. But he sat there staring at me so earnestly, so honestly, that my face just kept reddening, and my head was buzzing. What, what? I said, and gave him Oliver. Edward remained glued to the couch, hands in his lap, confident, but with a bit of shame. We're all rooting for you, Paige, so spend time with us.
So, because it was all I could do, I spent time with them. Edward was never brazen enough to kiss me, but we touched hands passing food around the table, and Harry seemed oddly comfortable when Edward played with the children. The afternoon turned out to be fine, and we all danced in the living room to the Format when we ran out of things to talk about. I loved them so much. Harry, the children, Edward. I loved them so much to bursting.
But I'm so scared. What did everything mean? And why do I have a permanent case of the shivers. My hands shake even now, and when I picked up Virginia, I stared at Harry so long that he turned away.
Don't worry, he said to me, I love you. I want you to be happy.
Yet still I am nervous.
Harry and Edward went to play golf and our nanny didn't come in because my classes ended early. I was looking forward to spending the whole day with the children alone, and since Christmas holidays are coming up, I don't have much to do except for a couple of papers and a few exams.
Our day was all planned out: I would make a huge dinner, with chicken and mashed potatoes and fresh spinach with garlic. I even went to the grocer to find the ingredients, right after school. I would gather them all around the table and watch them eat, and feed Virginia in my lap. I could just picture us laughing as the older twins told us about school and me tricking Belle to eat her spinach. I could just imagine Frank Sinatra playing on the stereo by the our television set, and Virginia escaping from my lap to totter on the thick carpet in the living room. I could just imagine the tranquility of no other adult watching after them, and the peace I would have from pretending I was a good mother.
After lunch, we would do our ritualistic coloring, with the long bright pencils and the sticky, wax crayons. Trucks and princesses and lions with the Serengeti around them might be colored pink and orange and a surreal, unnatural blue. Gabe would get bored after awhile and start tearing pages from the books, one right after the other, and Oliver would try to stop him because the poor thing relies completely on order.
But instead of that picture perfect afternoon, I walked in to find Edward sitting on my couch with Virginia in his lap, and Harry, laughing in the armchair across, entertaining the younger twins on his knees. Where's Rev, I asked, flushed I'm sure from being stared at so hard. He was supposed to take care of the children...it is their day with me. I smoothed my skirt, just for something to do, something to make me less embarrassed, but I noticed them exchange a glance over me.As if conspirators in some great game. Oliver, in my arms by this point, was hiding his face in my neck, and I clung to him like some sort of life support.
We decided it's too nasty for golf today, we'd much rather stay in, Harry said. He was smiling at me, and from the position in his chair, I could tell he would rush over to me if he hadn't the twins in his lap. We decided that we miss you, Edward said, and I almost choked on my own saliva. Excuse me? We miss you, he said again, and Harry nodded. We don't know where you hide out, and we don't know what you're doing, but we never see you. And certainly not with the children, Harry added. I looked to Edward. If he was going to be bold, than so was I, and I'm sure I was prettily flushed by this point. I looked at him. Well, when I'm not with you Harry I'm with Edward, and Edward when I'm not with you, I'm with Harry. To my surprise, they laughed. Harry relieved himself of the twins and came to kiss me. We knew you would feel ambushed, feel angry, he said softly. And so, we got a little revenge on you. But the rest of the day will be pleasant with all of us won't it?
And he looked sad when he stared into my eyes. Harry, I'm uncomfortable, I said. Even though I knew Edward could hear me, I didn't care. He grabbed my arms and smiled the sweetest, most gentle smile. I love you, we all love you, and even though it is unconventional, I love you enough to know that you need time with all of us. I thought he would cry, I really did. But he sat there staring at me so earnestly, so honestly, that my face just kept reddening, and my head was buzzing. What, what? I said, and gave him Oliver. Edward remained glued to the couch, hands in his lap, confident, but with a bit of shame. We're all rooting for you, Paige, so spend time with us.
So, because it was all I could do, I spent time with them. Edward was never brazen enough to kiss me, but we touched hands passing food around the table, and Harry seemed oddly comfortable when Edward played with the children. The afternoon turned out to be fine, and we all danced in the living room to the Format when we ran out of things to talk about. I loved them so much. Harry, the children, Edward. I loved them so much to bursting.
But I'm so scared. What did everything mean? And why do I have a permanent case of the shivers. My hands shake even now, and when I picked up Virginia, I stared at Harry so long that he turned away.
Don't worry, he said to me, I love you. I want you to be happy.
Yet still I am nervous.
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