Flower Fortune- Sweetbriar: Poetry and fragrance.

deMarneffe says that most mothers want more babies before they realize they are struggling to take care of the ones they have. She is so right. It seems that I have been thinking about having another baby all the time now. I haven't told anyone. Not Harry, not Rev, never Edward. We have so many children already, but I can't help wondering how it would feel to actually plan this baby. To already have clothes and a crib and space for it. To not have to worry about it going to school or having food or any of those things. But, I know I am not ready to raise seven children. I'm overwhelmed with six, content with six, in love with the six I have. Taking care of them is not easy; watching them grow up is harder. I think I'm hitting that time when things feel right to have a child, and since they've never felt that way before, having another baby seems logical. When really it isn't.

Harry wants to adopt kids. He thinks we are good parents (when really he is just such a good parent and Rev is such a good second parent that I feel as if I don't do much). But a problem is that some adopted children have serious mental or physical problems and having that on my plate is something I'm not ready for. Also, how would it feel to adopt after having six biological children? Would it be good for that child to fall into a bigger family or detrimental? Would they even allow Harry and I to adopt after it is more than proven that we can biologically reproduce? I want to adopt children, but I fear for them. We are not a normal family and being born into such unorderliness is one thing, but being brought into it is another. The biggest question of course is: how different is six compared to seven? But I want to adopt. Harry and I have already looked up agencies and talked to friends about it (he is so adamant that he wants to do it at some point.)

I'm nervous though. But I want another baby. Maybe it will pass. Hopefully it will pass.