sweetbriarpoet
Flower Fortune- Sweetbriar: Poetry and fragrance.
Sixty-Second Entry
Hello all my dear old lost Mindsay friends. I thought I should drop in a line so that you mightn't be worried about me. I have wonderful news, semi-wonderful news, and strange news, I believe.
First for the wonderful news:
I've been feeling better than ever lately! I've been writing more than I've ever written in my entire life--loads of notebooks are being filled with my imaginative word. My children are blossoming, becoming mature little adults who love almost everything. They love sports and music and books and I just can't seem to do anything but watch them fill their tiny brains to the brim with learning. I read to them all the time, mostly my own classwork to put them to sleep, but I feel as if it still helps. Rev and Trinity are doing wonderfully and Rev and I are better friends than ever. Most of the time I don't know what I'd do without him. And the most wonderful thing of all: Harry is home regularly now. He and the children are always together, and I feel as if we finally have some sort of family dynamic. Even though, as a writer, having a strange family dynamic is better inspiration, having a normal one is much better from the eyes of a mother. Which leads me to talking about Edward, who is not yet completely out of my life, but who has started watching me with different eyes lately. He calls me a whirlwind, a tycoon, and I think he thinks I'll crash soon. But in all reality, if Harry's around, I'll be fine. And I won't crash. I'll maintain this high forever. If anyone could have doubted the love I have for my husband (and I don't see how they could have), they should know that the greatest love and respect eeks out of my ears and my words are all mush around him. We have been married for five years now (but really forever married) and I have never met anyone like him before. And I suppose that's what makes me so happy these days.
For the semi-wonderful news,
Reggie and Louise are buying a house in New York, so that finally they can stay overtime here in the States with us. The problem is, they'll have to have someone watch over the estate, the estate of my childhood and all my memories, and that makes me a bit nervous. Of course, it isn't my business and only theirs, but I worry someone will change some major essence to the place. But, to focus on the good things: finally the best parents I have ever known will come and be the best grandparents to six, happy little grandbiddies. And my lovely Ouisie and Reggie will be in my house, eating my food, maybe cooking it. I'll love having my mentors back, my lovely surrogate mother and father. The only ones who loved me like a daughter and who treated me like an independent, intelligent woman from the day they met me. The only ones who never judged me or based their love on their son's feelings or anyone else's for that matter. I want my children to be around them and grow with them and I just cannot wait to have them here. So far, the plan is that they will be here by this time next year, but they'll have to visit intermittently, which will be wonderful.
I have become so family-oriented lately. I think I always had the potential but now it's just becoming such a reality.
And now for the biggest news of all. And the strangest, and the one that might not possibly be so wonderful:
Tomorrow, I find out if I am pregnant again.
It's strange, really, I don't know how to feel. Of course, I don't know if I really am pregnant, but tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to find out. My body is a very strange vessel. It has many flaws which affect my cycles and so I never know what the problem is until I've had a professional look. I'm very nervous. If I'm pregnant I don't know what I will do. I don't think I can handle another child right now. I mean, I know I can't.
Harry and I have talked and I've mentioned not keeping it if I am pregnant.
And that's such a scary thought to both of us.
But right now I'm just going to remain happy and see what happens tomorrow.
Everyone comment, I can't sleep and would love to talk.
First for the wonderful news:
I've been feeling better than ever lately! I've been writing more than I've ever written in my entire life--loads of notebooks are being filled with my imaginative word. My children are blossoming, becoming mature little adults who love almost everything. They love sports and music and books and I just can't seem to do anything but watch them fill their tiny brains to the brim with learning. I read to them all the time, mostly my own classwork to put them to sleep, but I feel as if it still helps. Rev and Trinity are doing wonderfully and Rev and I are better friends than ever. Most of the time I don't know what I'd do without him. And the most wonderful thing of all: Harry is home regularly now. He and the children are always together, and I feel as if we finally have some sort of family dynamic. Even though, as a writer, having a strange family dynamic is better inspiration, having a normal one is much better from the eyes of a mother. Which leads me to talking about Edward, who is not yet completely out of my life, but who has started watching me with different eyes lately. He calls me a whirlwind, a tycoon, and I think he thinks I'll crash soon. But in all reality, if Harry's around, I'll be fine. And I won't crash. I'll maintain this high forever. If anyone could have doubted the love I have for my husband (and I don't see how they could have), they should know that the greatest love and respect eeks out of my ears and my words are all mush around him. We have been married for five years now (but really forever married) and I have never met anyone like him before. And I suppose that's what makes me so happy these days.
For the semi-wonderful news,
Reggie and Louise are buying a house in New York, so that finally they can stay overtime here in the States with us. The problem is, they'll have to have someone watch over the estate, the estate of my childhood and all my memories, and that makes me a bit nervous. Of course, it isn't my business and only theirs, but I worry someone will change some major essence to the place. But, to focus on the good things: finally the best parents I have ever known will come and be the best grandparents to six, happy little grandbiddies. And my lovely Ouisie and Reggie will be in my house, eating my food, maybe cooking it. I'll love having my mentors back, my lovely surrogate mother and father. The only ones who loved me like a daughter and who treated me like an independent, intelligent woman from the day they met me. The only ones who never judged me or based their love on their son's feelings or anyone else's for that matter. I want my children to be around them and grow with them and I just cannot wait to have them here. So far, the plan is that they will be here by this time next year, but they'll have to visit intermittently, which will be wonderful.
I have become so family-oriented lately. I think I always had the potential but now it's just becoming such a reality.
And now for the biggest news of all. And the strangest, and the one that might not possibly be so wonderful:
Tomorrow, I find out if I am pregnant again.
It's strange, really, I don't know how to feel. Of course, I don't know if I really am pregnant, but tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to find out. My body is a very strange vessel. It has many flaws which affect my cycles and so I never know what the problem is until I've had a professional look. I'm very nervous. If I'm pregnant I don't know what I will do. I don't think I can handle another child right now. I mean, I know I can't.
Harry and I have talked and I've mentioned not keeping it if I am pregnant.
And that's such a scary thought to both of us.
But right now I'm just going to remain happy and see what happens tomorrow.
Everyone comment, I can't sleep and would love to talk.
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